Scary

Fin,

Tonight my heart is scared. Yesterday you started crying whenever you were moved - something you've never done before. Grandma and Grandpa were on their way from California to see you for the first time so we were waiting up late to see them. You were breathing fast but daddy convinced me it was just you. I decided that I'd make an appointment to see Dr Herbert this morning.

We got to the doctor's office and your blood saturation was only 82% and you had a funny looking rash all over your body. Dr Herbert came in right away and stated you were going to the hospital via ambulance to Sacred Heart NICU (neonatal intensive care). The ambulance was backed up, so we took you ourselves and we got there within 5min. They did a chest xray, nasal swabs, IV sticks, catheterized you, and did a spinal tap. Luckily so far RSV, influenza, and pneumonia have been ruled out. The spinal tap they did went well (after 3 pokes) and the preliminary results looked as though meningitis wasn't the culprit.

They aren't sure at this point what it is. You have the rash still, but you are breathing on your own without oxygen. You're on antibiotics and IV fluids. You'd lay on the table and just cry. Finally I got to hold you and once I did you calmed down.

I didn't take any of my pain pills to the hospital so daddy and I came home knowing you were in the best hands out there. When we left your fever was coming down and you were sleeping soundly. The nurse was right outside your door and we were assured you'd be fine. Tomorrow we're going back up to the hospital to be with you. They should be moving you to another less-invasive floor - the pediatric floor - tomorrow. Mommy's heart is hurting becuase there were a lot of sickies that wanted to come and see you when you were born and they held you. I was one of them and so was dad - but we were all so careful. I just hated seeing you so sick and hope you're feeling better tomorrow.

I can't imagine what I'd do if something happened to you, even though you've only been on this Earth for one week.

I love you.